According to Dan Bottrell, a family law specialist in Queensland, explains how the festive period can put added pressure on the children of separating couples:
“What is damaging to children is the loss of the opportunity to have a relationship with each parent and the pressure of being drawn into adult matters or witnessing continual conflict between parents.
“Serious problems can usually be prevented when parents are willing to put their children’s interests before their own feelings about each other.”
Cooperation is key
It can be extremely difficult to put your own feelings aside when in the midst of a separation, especially if the split is not amicable and the situation is still very raw and new. However, Dan Bottrell and other family law experts have a number of suggestions to help make Christmas easier for everyone and more special for children. It all starts with keeping one thought in mind – you need to put your children first.
How to make Christmas special for the kids:
- 1.Resist the temptation to buy their affections. Buying Christmas presents for your children should not become a competition between you and your ex over who can spend more. Money does not equate to love – and children need time spent on them, not hundreds of pounds.
- 2.Make sure your children spend time with both parents. Your kids need to see their other parent just as much as you during Christmas, so unless you have a very good reason for not doing so – make it easy and guilt-free for them to do so.
- 3.Avoid arguments at all costs. If you feel a quarrel starting when you and your ex are in the same room together, make a special effort to stop it. Stop talking and count to ten, then do your best to be civil. The last thing your kids need during Christmas is the pair of you fighting with each other.
- 4.Don’t make them feel guilty. You might not even realise you’re doing it, but things like quizzing your kids about the time spent with the other parent can make children feel guilty about enjoying time with their mum or dad. Encourage them to talk about it by all means, but don’t fish for information.
- 5.Stick to the plans. Be courteous and civil to your former partner at all times, including sticking to arrangements you’ve made and not being late to drop off or pick up the kids.
If you can work together and keep your children’s needs and emotions in mind at all times, you can all have a good Christmas. It takes effort and a lot of biting your tongue, but it’s worth it to make Christmas special for the kids.
For advice on all aspects of separation, get in touch with the family law experts at Tracey Miller Solicitors.