Newly divorced or separated – how to get through the festive season

Hell hath no fury like a man….scorned! Charles Saatchi has been hell bent on ruining ex-wife Nigella Lawson since photographs appeared back in the summer with his hands clasped around her throat.

After he was cautioned by police, the couple quickly divorced and all has been quiet until now with the very public trial of their former assistants, Francesca and Elisabetta Grillo, who are accused of fraud.

In front of judge and jury, Mr Saatchi had his day in court accusing Ms Lawson of being a drug addict despite later admitting under oath, that he had no actual proof.

Meanwhile, Ms Lawson told the court her ex threatened to destroy her if she refused to testify against the sisters and if she didn't help him clear his name. She added that the allegations were "dedicated to salvaging his reputation and destroying” hers.

With 42 per cent of all marriages in the UK ending in divorce, there will be hundreds of divorcees, and newly separated individuals like Charles Saatchi and Nigella Lawson, facing Christmas and New Year alone.

As a family law solicitor in Liverpool, serving the Wirral and St Helens, I am often asked by my clients what advice I can give with regard to holidays such as Christmas and Easter.

Here are my tips to get through what can be a very difficult time of year if you are facing your first Christmas as newly divorced or separated.

Plan ahead

In my capacity of offering family law advice, I would always recommend that you plan ahead, particularly if you have children. Don't leave making arrangements until the last minute.

If you do not have children then make sure you make arrangements to see family or friends over the holidays or even go on holiday, if you can afford to do so. One thing I would say, is don't sit at home all alone as this will allow you time to think more about your situation and probably not in a good way.

If you have children, just remember that Christmas is a special time for them and they will be facing up to the fact that they will not be spending it as they have previously done so.

If your divorce or separation has been amicable and you feel you can still spend the holidays together then do so, but if this is not a reality, make sure you decide early on what you plan to do.

One important thing to remember is not to use the children as pawns if neither you nor your ex are getting on - it's not fair on them.

Instead, get together and make a plan. Usually, as a family law solicitor in Liverpool serving the Wirral and St Helens, I suggest that the children spend Christmas day with one parent and Boxing Day with the other.

It is too unsettling for them to have to leave one parent and join the other, particularly if they have spent an exciting morning opening their presents.

Don't argue

If things are difficult between you and your ex-partner try and treat your relationship professionally - like you would with a colleague at work. I have talked about this before in my capacity of giving family law advice - read my blog can you really treat a divorce like a business deal?

If you are arguing, then don't share it with your children - they don't need to know the ins and outs of your disagreements. Remember you need to make this time of year as special as you can for them as they have already gone through enough trauma.

Don't alienate your ex-partner's family

Christmas is traditionally a time for families but just because you and your ex have split up doesn't mean you have to forget about his or her family, particularly if you have children.

You may still be on good terms with them and want to maintain a relationship, so make sure you do. You are not divorced or separated from them, only your ex!

When a UK divorce takes place, a child's relationship with his or her grandparents can become even more important particularly at times like Christmas.

Whilst I have been a family law solicitor in Liverpool, serving the Wirral and St Helens, I have had clients whose parents have hosted Christmas so that everyone can get together but on neutral territory. Children often feel more comfortable celebrating at their grand-parent's home.

I am aware this won't work for everybody but is a good option if neither you nor your ex wish to separate your families or host it at your new homes.

Any holidays that bring families together will always be hard to face if your family structure has changed, but by following these steps, hopefully, you will be able to make the best out of a difficult situation.

What tips do you have for people who are newly divorced or separated? How did you make your children's first Christmas special after getting divorced or separating from your partner?