Should separated couples by shunned by society?

According to Sir Gerald Howarth, a former private secretary to Margaret Thatcher, couples who split up should face the wrath of society! And his reasoning? Because they cost the tax payer tens of billions of pounds.

This is probably true in the case of Raymond Hull, who has fathered 22 children by 11 women but this is undoubtedly a very extreme example.

But with over 300,000 separations a year in the UK, as a family law firm in Liverpool, the Wirral and St Helens I know that separation and divorce for most couples, is a decision that is not taken lightly.

For most of my clients, there is a definite sadness, upset and a sense of failure, particularly when children are involved.

And as I have said before, it is often the children who are the main victims when parents separate and that's why their needs and welfare must come first. Read my blog Involved in a bitter custody dispute? Why you need to take steps before it's too late.

A new report published by netmums has revealed the true impact of divorce on children and how parents have failed to realise the effect their break-up has had.

1000 parents and 100 children were surveyed and to be honest, as a law firm in Liverpool, St Helens and the Wirral, I was not surprised by the results.

What were the key findings of the survey?

The main finding of the survey was that the majority of parents are completely unaware of the impact their separation has had on their children. Three quarters believed their children had coped well even though only 18% of children said they were happy with the situation.

Getting divorced or separating from a partner is a very traumatic and stressful time and sometimes, the children take a backseat as many parents feel they are dealing with it.

However, as a Liverpool solicitor servicing the Wirral and St Helens, I know that children are good actors and the last thing they want to do is add to the upset being already felt by their parents by voicing their angst.

This is supported by further findings which revealed that two in five of the children polled (39%) said they hid their feelings from their parents as they did not want to upset them while one in five felt they could not tell their parents what they were going through because they were too wrapped up in themselves.

What impact does divorce and separation have on children and young people?

As a family law firm in Liverpool, the Wirral and St Helens, I always advise my clients to try and put their feelings towards their ex-partner aside so they can concentrate on their children and put them first.

Unfortunately, for some this is very hard to do and as the netmums survey further reveals - one in 20 children had turned to alcohol, one in nine had deliberately harmed themselves while a further 6% had considered suicide.

Sadly, one in 12 youngsters thought the separation of their parents meant they were no longer loved and they had let their mum and dad down.

This is why it is so important for parents to really focus on their children at such a difficult time.

What is the best way for parents to tell their children they are splitting up?

• Try and tell them together even if it means calling a truce. If this is not possible, do tell them separately, but try and agree what will be said
• When telling them, make sure no blame is attributed to either side. By doing this, children will see that their parents are still working together
• Be civilised - try not to argue in front of children as this will upset them. If things are very tense, then it might be best to seek the help of a mediator
• By telling children they are loved will help them accept that the separation is nothing to do with them
• Be there for them if they want to talk about the situation and be open

If anything, as a solicitor servicing the Wirral and St Helens, I see every day the impact that divorce and separation can have on adults and children.

That's why I would have to reject Sir Gerald's argument that separated and divorced parents should be condemned by society. If anything, those going through this life changing experience need more support and care, not less.

Do you agree with Sir Gerald? What tips do you have for helping give the news to children?